What I Have Learned From Cats… aka Musings From A Cat Obsessed Psychologist 

This blog has been prepared for you by Community Psychologists and Board Approved Supervisor, and huge feline fan, Julie. 

Yes, I am cat obsessed and I am not ashamed to admit it. It is getting increasingly worse as time goes on, and I am yet to seek any help for this affliction. And don’t get me started on the politics of the crazy cat lady trope.. 

I recognise that not everyone loves cats or pets, and that is ok! But here are some thoughts I had the other night…whilst my cat was excitedly telling me how he had done two poos. True story! It was in that moment of sleepy poo fumes haze that I remembered the following.  

Boundaries

Meow yes, please, pat me on the tummy purrrr / Okay, I have had enough / Yes, I let you pat me yesterday, but today, no thanks. Meow. 

As a psychologist, I’ve seen how a traumatic experience can be a violation of one’s personal boundaries. As a result, many people we see can struggle to say no, can find it difficult to identify their own needs, feel guilty or fear rejection just for wanting and having boundaries.  

Cats live in a world of clear, unapologetic communication. They model some of the most critical aspects of the FRIES consent model.  

A cat’s consent is always enthusiastic. They will purr and rub against you when they want attention. But the moment they’ve had enough, a swift bunny kick or a flick of the tail says, ‘This is my body, and these are my boundaries’. They don’t apologize or feel guilt for changing their mind (I don’t speak meow, but based on observations, I believe this to be true!).  

Their consent is also completely reversible. Yeah, I let you pat me 5 mins ago but now, no thanks. Their consent is not a blanket agreement for all time, but a moment-to-moment decision based on their needs. 

Yes I hear you – there is the whole ‘sticking their butt in your face to show you love thing..’ Maybe some work to be done there…but you get the picture! 

Self and co-regulation

Cats are good at knowing when they need or want to be alone vs when they want company. They’ll spend hours napping in the sun, retreat to under the bed covers and be perfectly content alone. But when they want attention, they will most likely let you know. Even if it is 4am and to tell you about their toilet achievements.  

Trauma can disrupt our ability to regulate our nervous system, listen to our bodies, and it can be difficult to recognize and honour our own needs for alone time vs connection. This is often coupled with living in a world that tells us we have to be social, online, and always ‘on’, in other worlds, a world that prizes constant productivity (I see you, capitalism!).  

Cats, however, live in a state of neuroaffirming self-regulation. I think they model for us something really important, about just being ourselves what it means to simply be. They normalize the very things we’re often told are ‘wrong’ with us. That is, the need for a quiet space, the desire to retreat when we’re overstimulated, and the freedom to seek connection only when it feels genuinely good and is good for us. Cats are perhaps radical self-care proponents – giving us permission to listen to our bodies and be ourselves.  

Fun! Joy! Simplicity!

Trauma often means we and our nervous systems are stuck in survival states. These parts of us helped us survive, we can and should appreciate them. THANK YOU! But this sometimes also means play, fun, joy, whatever you want to call it – kind of gets sidestepped. These things can feel unsafe, we might feel we don’t deserve it, that its childish, or they evoke feelings of sadness and can be triggering if we didn’t get to play as a child.  

Cats find joy in the smallest thing. A bottle top on the floor can prove to me the most interesting toy. Their tail twitching is obviously a hilarious game of chasey.  

I’ve seen how important reconnecting with play can be (not just for the people we see, but for ourselves as therapists!). Seems to me that cats are sending us a beautiful reminder to connect with everyday moments of play or joy. . And they do not have to be big moments or time consuming. 

So there you have it, musings from a not ashamed crazy cat lady in the making. I best be off to fulfill my role as chief poop scooper extraordinaire!

What is one small thing that brings you joy that you can do today, just like a cat pouncing on its own shadow…?