27 May Why Silence Condones The Actions of Others
Our lives are complex. Our lives are cluttered. Our lives are noisy. Noisy often with the voices, opinions and thoughts of others. In this blog we wanted to look deeper at how that noise can often create a chain reaction in our own beliefs and self worth.
We often discuss the need of boundaries when it comes to supporting yourself. We need boundaries to help create a defence and support system for ourselves, and when these boundaries start to come down we often can take on the thoughts of others.
When we remove boundaries we take on the beliefs of others. Beliefs that are imposed on you and unfortunately, sometimes these beliefs are accepted and change our perception and thought process.
Sometimes “Good Enough” Is Ok
We go through life often working through times when everything is “good enough”. There will be times when we just have to survive to get through, and that is ok. Surviving helps us get through the darker days, we are entitled to go through the ebbs and flows of life that might bring these survival troughs.
What we need to avoid is the small minded comments from others who will make you believe this state of ‘good enough’ is permanent and part of your make-up. We need to differentiate survival versus a permanent state of being.
Take time to assess these comments being thrown at you, are they legitimate or are they there to bring you down.
Defending Those Boundaries
Boundaries remain crucial to supporting ourselves and those closest to us. When boundaries fall and we take on the thoughts and opinions of others, it can lead to a ripple effect throughout our daily rituals.
Burnout, fatigue, tiredness and making ourselves a non-priority item are often the outcomes of letting those guards down.
When we describe boundaries, what are we discussing? These support borders can be both physical boundaries, as well as, emotional boundaries. Physical boundaries include your body, personal space, and privacy. Emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from another’s feelings. Violations include, taking responsibility for another’s feelings, letting another’s feelings dictate your own, sacrificing your own needs to please another, blaming others for your problems, and accepting responsibility for theirs.
Strong boundaries protect your self- esteem and your identity as an individual with the right to make your own choices.
Don’t Be Small and Invisible
We can all be guilty of living a small and fear-based life, however we need to always set aside time to evaluate why this type of behaviour has crept in.
“If someone says you can’t, they are imposing their own self limits on you.”
At Haven we love this quote, it reminds us that the thoughts of others may reflect their own state of being not ours. If someone says you can’t, maybe they are struggling. If someone says you’re not good enough, perhaps they are feeling neglected. If someone says you will never succeed, maybe they have already failed.
This blog is a reminder to you to keep that energy up. Support yourself and your boundaries as well as continue to make yourself a priority.
Don’t be silent, don’t be good enough all the time. Be uniquely you and take them on!
If you feel like you have been living that small and silent life for too long, at Haven Psychology we provide a warm and supportive network to help you break through. Click here to contact us.